Ms. Belle

Come to think of it, I've never wanted to be like Britney nor Christina when I was small.
It's sort of peculiar how these days, the media-driven society has its general ideals of what absolute beauty is: an immaculate, soft skin, silky hair, a hot muscular body, vogue clothing, etc. (the meaning of the word even varies depending on the culture and country)..
Well, as for me, I think I don't know what to make of that.

The other day, I hung out with a friend of mine who I have seldom seen these past several months due to neglectful lack of time. Ergo, we decided to go window shopping and to buy some coffee and sit down at a petite gourmet café to catch up on each other's lives.
So that's exactly what we did.

At first, to be quite honest, moments of awkwardness haunted our discourse: it was during our stay at the café that I began to become more talkative and to feel that more familiar air.
We then also talked about the problems of the world like we used to do before.
... and I realized how much I had missed that.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I had an epiphany on that day.
As I observed her (I analyze everyone during conversations), I realized how lost I was... how lost I actually am and how little I have accomplished.

Remember what I mentioned about ''absolute beauty''? Well, I think my view on that is a tad bit different from that of the media:
for me, beauty is strength in character.
Tolerance. Sharpness. Charisma. Observant and questioning.
Beauty is always willing to learn; sociable.
Eloquence. Affectionate. Devotion. Charm and maturity.

In other words, for me, beauty is measured emancipation.
... and that's precisely what I noticed in her...
... yet also what I have failed to achieve.

I never had an ideal; a role model.
The only thing I've consequently strived for in that sense is to reach these standards of ''beauty'' I have set for myself..
I've always thought it was nearly implausible to be ''all-in-one''...
...but how can that be? I saw living proof of it...

I couldn't help but feel a bit envious.
Inferiority complex, much?

 

Renée