Grey

This is the third post of this blog.

Third, as in three. An awe-inspiring progress, isn't it? :P

These past few days, I've been confronted with a writer's worst nightmare: a so-called writer's block, one of the most dreadful things that could ever happen to a person whose passion is writing (apart from not having freedom of speech!)

Sure, it's absolutely normal for untrained authors like me, even for professionals who write every day, but it just sort of eventually gets on your nerves to look at your blog daily with no improvement at all. But what the heck.

So anyway, I was on my way home today on foot, something that's slowly becoming one of my daily routines ever since my Monatskarte had expired (to those who don't know what it is, it's an all-around ticket needed to use public transpo here in Germany).

School had just ended and my class had just gotten dismissed by our P.E teacher; in short, I felt extremely disgusting as my back was still drenched in sticky sweat. AND I was in a terribly bad mood. Let's just say that the day took a wrong turn right from the very start. Why? I'll tell you why.

1) I had been mercifully stripped off of my right to sleep last night. Ok, therein lies a tad bit of exaggeration, but I still lacked sleep during the whole course of the day, leading to an unwanted hostility towards others ... even talking to people was tedious, so I just tried to remain utterly still and quiet during classes, avoiding questions whose answers weren't  as terse and as simple as the words "yes" or "no".

2) The German test. Actually, to be quite honest, my confidence had been boosted to its very peak before going to school,after repeatedly having told myself that I'll survive it somehow, especially while regarding my pretty proficient gut feeling when it comes to grammar. After all, I had been fed with heaps of German grammar for one year, so what could happen, right? ...

Well, upon receiving the exam, my jaw dropped. Literally. It wasn't that I hadn't any clue at all, but rather the task of having to correct a letter teeming with myriad mistakes in ONE sentence and/or phrase by underlining the errors and by writing, depending on the the errors' type, the letters "A" (for Audruck or verbalism), "Gr" (Grammatik or grammar), "R" (for Rechtschreibung/spelling) or "Z" (for Zeichensetzung/punctuation). Conclusion? I got flustered, so confounded that migraine slowly got hold of my clear thinking. The thing is, the mistakes committed in that letter were all overlapping each other, so I didn't know what to underline. I mean, some words were clearly grammatically wrong, but they were also misspelt...so was I supposed to write a Gr or R?...Or both? Ugh. Let's just move on.

3) People were sulking ... and the weather shed tears, too. Fine, I was in an uncongenial mood as well, but I at least tried my best to suppress it and summoned up all my efforts to at least conjure up even the smallest of smiles. I even did several times. And what do I get in exchange? Blank stares. No offence at all; the day seemed to be appointed as day of listlessness, anyway; I mean even the weather was grey and crying.

4) Numbers, my bestestest friends. I've got a confession to make: I've never been extraordinarily talented in math. Ok, so I often understand everything and manage to find the answers by myself... However, let me put it this way: I'm not born to be a mathematician and I'm aware of that. You might be asking yourself by now where the problem is. My reply to that? Impatience. Since I had been absent the last time my class had had math, I wasn't capable of comprehending the tasks at once for I still hadn't caught up with what I had missed ... and my teacher, as always, just didn't make it any easier at all. You know that sort of teacher who's short-tempered and whose raging high blood starts to boil up after a student has merely asked a single question? ... Well, need I say more?

5) Physical failurecation. Volleyball was up (still is next week^^) and our group's hands weren't the most dexterous ones. I used to dislike this sport very much, due to the excessive sensitivity my arms seemed to possess against hard balls pelting towards them; but now, I am even learning to like it... Too bad my fingers now experience an excruciating pain when touched even by the lightest thing (they even hurt when I type, but then again, no pain, no gain).

As you can now see, I was in a peevish, irascible state as I made my way home, thoughts in the dumps and in a sullen mood. I then reached out for my iTouch in the pocket of my pants, melodic music echoing in my ears, and pressed the forward button with a certain languidness. The screen now showed: "KIDS- MGMT".

Frowning, I walked on, each step taken dragging me nearer to my destination, the grey clouds above filled with moisture, threatening to give in anytime and to make it rain. I thought to myself: "Oh, what a grey day!"

I started observing the passersby, inly complaining to myself how my day hadn't been how I would have wished it to be.

Eventually, I came to a bitter realization: people I encountered traversing on the streets had two things in common: the hastened pace they were going at and the permanent scowl etched on their face.

And with that, the moroseness which had been controlling me the whole day suddenly vanished in an instant, and the only thoughts hovering in my mind were those of constructive complaint.

Why were all of them frowning like that?

Weren't they aware of the effects a frown has on other people's moods?

Why did they all seem to be in a state of utter discontentedness, when things could be much worse?

...

...

My point is, people are just too absorbed by the monotony of their daily routines, their minds dominated by thoughts full of "have tos" and "if nots".

Have we all become apathetic robots whose purpose and reason have been preprogrammed in our systems?

It seems to be that, by being under this pressure the society puts us in; a pressure which arises from our need and intense will to survive, as well as from our profound fear of having nothing and losing it all, we all just forget to stop and relax, even for a few moments.

We forget to look around. 

To think again.

To smile.

To laugh. 
To spread happiness and color.

...And if there's anyone out there who's wondering why the world seems to be black and white, think again; the reason's inside.