PURSUIT OF PERFECTION (part 2)

Once I'm done with this, it'll be the second confession posted in my blog; my second and last this week.

Ever since last Friday, guilt has perpetually been gnawing at my heart at a merciless pace, my instances of absent-mindedness slowly increasing with each passage of day. To be quite honest, I'm not quite sure what to do when such situations come up; for at times, the string of thoughts lingering in my mind just gets even more disarrayed and entangled, leading to worse outputs of certain things which I would normally have done poorly, anyway.

It's sort of frustrating, really, especially when it comes to taking exams at school.

But what can I do?... The book of life goes on.

...as does this haunting feeling of letting someone down who has moved you to the core.

If you're reading this, there is something you have to know: X and I had several things in common, the most crucial similarity being our frequent grumbling and moaning when it came to our daily course.

We were both complainers: we were always criticizing even the tiniest detail which would normally escape someone else's eye.

Yet, ironically enough, she really DID have an irrefutable reason for her countless complaints,... whereas I had none.

Can you still recall my previous post concerning this topic?
Well, on that day, I learned that almost NOTHING is how it seems ("seeming and being", as a Shakespearean would put it).

(continuation)

 X: "...and please don't freak out."

Renee: " I won't. You know me, I've got guts of stone.

I looked into her eyes deeply and as penetrating as I could. As always, they still showed this unraveled mystery, two infinite abysses. Suddenly, a flicker of hesitation.

Renee: "No one's forcing you to. It's fine if you don't."

My mouth curled up into what I hoped to be a charming smile, droplets of water running down my face. I felt cold.

X: "No- I'll tell you. I don't know whether you've noticed this, but you know how I rarely mention my father? There's a reason for that."

 

I nodded curtly, the word "abandonment" crossing my mind. "Whatever it is," I thought to myself,  "I probably should prepare myself for it." The air became taut.

X: "Well...it's... how can I say this..."

She stammered, her face rigid and emotionless, the blood rushing faster in my veins and my heart thumping loudly in rhythm.

I inhaled sharply when all of a sudden, my heart stood still.

X: "I'm being sexually abused by him."

With that, bitter tears swiftly came streaming down my face; my mind vacant, and an overwhelming feeling of shock taking over me.

The only sentence my mind could conjure up then was: PERFECT? Who has the PERFECT LIFE now?...


P.S: I'm sorry if it'll take some time to write part 3... I'm kind of busy this coming week!