Here we go again.

As a diplomat's child, I've practically been moving my whole life: the first time being when I was merely three years old. During that time, my mom got a post in Madrid, where I then spent the following six/seven years of my childhood. It was quite enjoyable for me, being a quirky, happy-go-lucky person who easily got excited by the tiniest details.

That was years ago, when I was still insouciant and nonchalant --
 ... yet I'm sixteen now -- and that changes several things.
About five months ago, I had to move from Hamburg to Berlin due to some unexpected inconvenience from the government. Never mind that, it seemed quite ok for me at first. I thought: new city, new people, new school, new experiences, A FRESH NEW START. What can be more appealing, right? (Ok, so I also felt a tinge of regret for not being able to be with my friends that often and all that, but Hamburg is only 300kms away from the capital, which means I can come visit them often... and vice versa - which would be even more awesome!)

Hamburg- Meine Perle (Landungsbrücken)

 ... but it seems that fate has something else for me in store; it has been mocking me since my arrival here, and everything I had been looking forward to turns out to be the exact opposite: no friendly class, no better grades nor teachers, nor even the activities I had been planning to join already prior to our relocation.

Normally, I'm not a person whose mind always dwells in the past, regretting and sulking; yet this time, that appears to have changed a bit, too. Almost half a year has passed but I still haven't been capable of adjusting (this was quite a surprise for me, for, as I said, I don't have many difficulties when it comes to things like that), yet still, every now and then, those sudden spasmodic sessions of rue still come from out of nowhere.

I've been becoming a Facebook addict these last few months, and I tend to visit profiles of people I know here to "analyze" their personality with just observing how they write and stuff like that (my intuition when it comes to "categorizing" people's personalities and types has always been suprisingly accurate), and when I see the smiles they share with friends who are right next to them, I can't help but feel a bit too envious.
I wouldn't say I'm a loner : I go out with people and have a social life; but I just can't seem to satisfy myself with just "hanging out" with people without having someone who I can really talk to, someone who also listens attentively to what I've got to say.

The thing is, in whatever I've gotten myself into, they'll accept you if you're just like them.
If you're different, or even have a slight deviation in interest, they'll deem you someone they would never get along with.
I mean: what's that all about?

Sometimes, I wonder whether it's, in the end, all my fault; whether I'm too "quiet" and don't take any initiative to get to know them at all, but then I recall the numerous times I've attempted to approach people.
I've approached time and again, but get refuted just as much.
What's frustrating is, actually, that the people with whom I can truly be myself without any hesitation aren't even in my class nor school, so I barely have any common activities with them. Apart from that, they also are often busy with their extracurricular activities. So what am I to do?

Berlin- Das Tor zur Welt (Brandenburger Tor)

 

I've tried everything.
I'm always being myself - and I freaking won't CHANGE MYSELF just for THIS CRAP.
... but WHY does the society just ostracize books with different covers?
I don't get it - and I think I'll never will.

I've devised my own theory of why that could be.
This is how it goes:
my old school used to be a very multicultural one (there was this special department which children from around the globe attended in order to learn German from scratch), whereas my current one isn't as much.
Although the pupils do have diverse ethnical backgrounds, the culture they were brought up in is still a very Western one.
-- and we all know that there is variety in warmth towards foreigners/strangers depending on the culture:
for example, in Asia, the treatment of what is alien is warmer than, let's say, here in Europe ... because here in Europe, everyone is straight to the point and rather... independent? while in the East, there always is this sense of familiarity wherever you may go.

Maybe I'm wrong, but that's the only thing that restrains my patience from snapping. 
Oh, and please don't think I'm mental.
I'm not - really.
I'm just a frustrated girl who wants to learn the most of the world.
And someone who just can't understand how her generation seems to be developing in such an intolerant way.
Damn that TV.
Damn those radios.
Guys, any ADVISE?!


Renée M.



P.S: NO MAN IS AN ISLAND.